When I delve into the issues, I often ask these men if they have considered the fact that maybe their wives indeed would love to have a satisfying sex life but just don’t know how or feel comfortable asking for what they want. Our culture does not encourage us, especially women, to express our sexual needs. In fact, many don’t even know what their needs are, no less how to express it to their partner. I find this a very sad reality that so many people live with. There are so many factors that contribute to one’s lack of sexual satisfaction and I am aware that there is no simple solution, however, without self awareness and clear communication there is no hope.

Men, if you want to have great sex, or any kind of sex in your marriage, start by paying close attention to the subtle cues that your wife gives you about what pleasures her. Maybe she has a favorite actor or performing artist that excites her. Maybe she has a favorite romantic movie that will give you a lot of clues about what turns her on. More importantly, pay close attention to her. Ask her how she feels. Ask her what she wants or needs to feel appreciated and loved. Let her know how much you love and admire her for the virtues that you adore.

It’s well known that the biggest sex organ is our mind. Where men are often visually focused and respond more readily to physical stimulation, women’s arousal start in other rooms in the house. Men who take the time to learn more about female sexuality and specifically show sincere interest in their partner’s needs and desires, are more likely that their sex lives will improve. However, that is not a guarantee. It may be a good idea to seek outside support with a sex specialist who can guide you as a couple toward ecstatic bliss.

There is so much to celebrate about being a women, one aspect being our capacity for blissful, prolonged, ecstatic, sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, too many women do not know this pleasure and worse, associate sex with great pain and suffering, both emotionally and/or physically. In this puritanical culture where most of us were not raised to embrace our sexuality, we grew up with beliefs and attitudes about sex that hardly support our inner Goddess. This can result in feelings of shame, fear and apathy. Most sexual dysfunctions are due to emotional responses to sex, rather than a medical issue. However, there are very legitimate physiological reasons for sexual dysfunctions as well.
Most common issues women face relating to their sexuality is loss of libido, pain during intercourse, difficulty reaching orgasm, chronic yeast and bladder infections. Something that is often unknown is that the birth control pill can drastically lower libido, as well as cause weight gain and mood changes. The pill tells your body you are pregnant. This is another commonly misunderstood area for both men and women…pregnant and lactating women have a much lower sex drive due to the complex hormonal changes. This is purely biological despite the few women who do not lose their libido, it is more common than not. When couples know this, they can plan to stay connected sexually in a loving supportive manner that meets both needs. If the pill or other hormone based birth control methods are causing reduced sex drive, there are many other options for preventing pregnancy. One very good way for women to begin reclaiming their sexuality is by learning how to track fertility. Whether you are preventing pregnancy or trying to conceive, this is a beautiful way to know yourself better and appreciate the wonderousness of being a woman. As we age, every stage of our womanhood has it’s blessings. And with the more modern progressive medicine available to us now, woman can balance their hormones much more easily and naturally, making the life transitions more comfortable.
The emotional and psychological aspects of sexual dysfunction can be much more difficult to treat but not impossible. Having a trusted friend or professional to talk to about sex is very helpful. In my practice, I find that when a client feels safe and free to just talk about sex and ask questions that they would otherwise not feel comfortable to ask, they start to feel better. So often it is a lack of knowledge about what is “normal” sexually. There are so many taboos in our culture around what is healthy sex and what is perverse. My clients are often surprised to find that their fantasies, insecurities, self-doubts, fetishes, fears, pains, are far more common than they ever imagined. Just finding out that they are normal is a huge step toward a more fulfilling sex life. Having an outlet for the shame and fear is crucial for healing the pain that robs them of their Goddess given right to have sexual ecstasy. So, for a start, Let’s Talk About Sex!
Velina offers Stress Evaluations and treatment for life stressors. She specializes in Aging, Human Sexuality, Relationships, and Chronic Health Challenges.

Here are a few effective, simple strategies that can help manage stress as it arises. However, first you have to know when you are becoming stressed. If you find yourself becoming irritable, quick to snap at your loved ones or get frustrated easily, this is a tell-tale sign. It can also appear in the body, such as headaches, fatigue and sleepless nights.
• Laugh often! Listen to your favorite comedian in the car and watch a funny show on TV. Or just start laughing out-loud until the laughter is no longer forced. Laughing yoga is a regular practice in the East and is surprisingly effective.
• Positive Thinking. It’s very easy to get caught up in negative thoughts when they are all around you. Write down 10 things that went RIGHT today and keep that list to refer to whenever you find yourself focusing on the negative. Keep adding to your list and think of this as your First-Aid Kit to Stress Management. Refer to is as often as needed.
• Take 5 minutes a day to just RELAX…Take a moment to write down what is pleasing to your senses. Sight, Sound, Taste, Touch, and Smell. (i.e. the smell of baking bread, the taste of chocolate, or the sound of laughing children) Make that your meditation as you make your list and ponder these lovely images.
• Give yourself a massage. Stop and check in with your body. Where do you feel tension or stress? If you can reach it, you can massage it! You will be amazed at how helpful just 5 minutes will be. Head, face, ears, neck and feet are easy to reach and powerful acupressure areas.

Taking 5 to 10 minutes in the morning and evening can make all the difference in the world. And don’t try to do it all in one day. Pick one basic self-care and exercise per day. As you practice these exercises and make an earnest attempt to take basic care of yourself, it will become habit. Wishing you a peaceful, joy-filled holiday season to you and yours.

I am attaching a featured article sent directly from HeartMath’s Kim Allen:

Just imagine what life would be like with less stress! Perhaps you would be calmer. Maybe you’d not worry as much or feel as anxious. You just might have more time for the things you enjoy doing, with the people you care the most about. Or, for some of you, you’d finally get a good night’s sleep.
If these are not good enough reasons to start doing something about the stress in your life, here’s another one: Every time you experience a stressful event, 1400 biochemicals are released throughout your body and one in particular, cortisol, can accelerate aging.
While cortisol is necessary for a variety of things, including the production of cholesterol which together with cortisol fuels the body, it’s also known as the stress hormone. And when you experience chronic stress, you can have too much of it.
One bad day at the office won’t hurt. But every stress-related burst of cortisol in response to the traffic, the deadlines or that guy in your department who drives you crazy accumulates in your system. And eventually, over time, the ratio of cortisol to DHEA, the vitality or anti-aging hormone, gets out of whack.
Here’s a partial list of what can happen with chronically high cortisol and low DHEA levels:
 1. Brain cell death  (Kerr et al., 1991; Sapolsky, 1992)
 2. Impaired memory and learning  (Kerr et al., 1991; Sapolsky, 1992)
 3. Decreased bone density; increased osteoporosis (Manolagas, 1979)
 4. Reduced muscle mass (Beme, 1993)
 5. Reduced skin growth and regeneration  (Beme, 1993)
 6. Impaired immune function  (Hiemke, 1994)
 7. Increased blood sugar  (DeFeo, 1989)
 8. Increased fat accumulation around waist / hips (Marin, 1992)
So next time you feel angry, frustrated or irritated, remember all that is at stake. And then give your DHEA levels a boost: Take a deep breath and recall a positive or fun time in your life and attempt to re-experience it. Doing so is quicker, cheaper and longer lasting than a couple of hours at the spa!
Take care,
Kim Allen

Taken from http://images.heartmath.com/email-images/iq-tip/iq-tip_10-22-09.html?mtcCampaign=1728&mtcEmail=14821378

Certificate Program

Holistic Stress Management Instructor

Paramount Wellness Institute • P.O. Box 18831 • Boulder, CO 80308 •  (303) 678.9962

Email: brianlukes@cs.com  

Holistic Stress Management Instructor

 Certification Workshop

Homework Assignments

Certificate of Instruction: Upon successful completion of the take-home exam and course assignments, your graded assignments with comments will be returned with your Certificate of Instruction (including 54 CE professional contact hours offered through AHNA… 20 CHES units are offered through NCHEC for Health Educators). Take home assignments include the following: Bio-sketch, three presentation titles and summaries, course outlines, lesson plans learning objectives, guided visualization scripts, tickler notebook or creativity project, and teaching resources. Examples of all assignments are provided in the workshop workbook the first day. Six weeks are given for completion. Extensions are available upon request up to one year from the starting day of the workshop. The 54 CE’s include 15 hours of time spent working on the homework assignments and 5 hours for the take home exam. All assignments must be passed in together as a complete set. CE’s are only awarded upon completion of all assignments and exam. No partial CE’s are awarded.

  The following homework projects are assigned to each workshop participant at the end of the four-day workshop (suggested time for parts 1-8: 15 hours).

1. Bio-Sketch   (short, dynamic one-paragraph expose about yourself and your qualifications to teach/instruct this topic).

2. Three Presentation Titles (the names of three of your presentations in lecture, seminar, workshop, brown-bag lunch, etc. format).

3. Three Presentation Summaries (a short paragraph explaining what your topic is about. Note that these summaries will correspond to the three presentation titles above).

4. Lesson Plans (content outlines with time allocations for each segment of your presentations: see above).

5. Learning Objectives for each of the three presentations (see above).

6. Three 20-minute guided imagery scripts (One must be original).

7. A Resource List (yoga teachers, tai chi teachers, massage therapists, art therapists, etc. Relaxation CD’s, DVD’s and books).

8. Page from Tickler Notebook or a summery of your creativity project (Details explained in the workshop).

9. TAKE HOME ESSAY EXAM (Based on the content in the assigned text, Managing Stress (suggested time: 5 hours). 

Workshop Participant Comments

“Holistic stress management” was a fabulous program that  fit me like a glove. Managing Stress is a gem of a text that contains a wealth of information and wisdom. I have often felt like I was a “lone wolf” here in my hometown. You and the program have offered me a wonderful energetic support that I can draw upon as I continue in the next phase of my life journey. My deepest thanks.” —Kathy, Los Angeles , CA

“Thanks Luke. I’ve been doing a lot of stress management presentations here at the hospital for different groups and it has been very well received.  I hoping to do som e community programs in the year to come as well.  I’m really into it.  (by the way, I have lost 35 lbs! —10 of those lbs came off by just getting rid of my TV! — I’m assuming decreasing my cortisol levels). Shanti.”     —Germaine, Stamford , CT

“The most beneficial thing I got from this workshop was a platform from which to explore man of my interests in a meaningful and marketable way. When I first saw your brochure, I realized that everything in this workshop was an interest of mine. I look forward to learning how I can bring these gifts to myself and others in a life-changing way. Many thanks! ”                                                  —Beth, Seattle , WA

“Luke , I have been providing art therapy at one of our training programs for several weeks now.  I am amazed at the works others produce and am blessed when they are willing to share.  WOW!  I have lots of ideas to develop.  The workshop really stimulated my thinking.  Thanks again and best wishes for a Happy New Year!”                                                                                      —Michelle, Austin , TX .

“Luke, thank you for all of your support last year. I had two more tribal  (Navajo) contracts

before the end of the year for stress management and tried art therapy for the first time. That was so successful as well as using the sea shells for an ice breaker.  Your training was transformative and will continue to open doors for me.  I will always be grateful. Be blessed,”                  —Grace, Flagstaff , AZ

“Luke, I can’t thank you enough for all that you have taught me. I hope you know how special you are. What I realized was that you had given me all the tools I need to be a success. You are a wonderful teacher thank you so much.  Love and Peace,”                                                             —Susan, Boston , MA  

“This class was phenomenal – it has changed my life!  The skills learned here will be put to good use for myself, my family and my clientele.  I feel blessed to have been a participant.  Thank you so much.  I hope to see you again in the near future.

“ Thanks to you, my workshops and presentation have more pizzazz. ”                 — Peggy J., Chicago

“ Best conference/teaching session I have ever been to – I am an advanced holistic nurse-certified.

“ In forty years of practice and learning, this experience has been one of the most profound for me (and my students, clients and all I come in contact with). THANK YOU so much.      —Pam P. Amber, PA

“ Once again, thank you for a wonderful workshop! It was, by far, the most inspirational and relevant I have ever participated in.  I enjoyed the assignment and really appreciated your time and the gift of your knowledge/experience to all of us.”                                             —Cyndie Koopsen, Flagstaff , AZ

“I am so impressed with the ‘ways and means’ of this workshop.  Both nurturing and didactic in nature, the way you go about providing that – small class size and a variety of hands-on experiences – is really an art, Luke. I appreciate this talent of yours.  I also am appreciative to know I can stay in touch as needed.  Being able to ‘take back’ things to use specifically is a real blessing in approaching this huge topic. Be well!”                                                                          —Becky B., (RN), Bangor , ME

“I have attended workshops by Jon Kabot-Zinn and other leaders in the field, but this workshop (beyond comprehensive) was exactly what I have been searching for in all these years.”

“The “best” seminar I have ever attended.  I feel very inspired and even more certain I am following the right path in my life.  Luke, you are a gem!  Thank you!

“Many thanks for the truly inspirational workshop. I’ve already used the creative problem solving exercise for our employee wellness program. Many Thanks again.                     —Lou D., Texas

“ Thank you so much for a personally rewarding course.  I thoroughly enjoyed the workshop and your

leadership was truly inspiring. I appreciate your passion for this work as it is what the world needs now.”

— Cindy M. YMCA of Providence, RI .

“Thank you for the wonderful September Workshop. Thank you for sharing your amazing energy, experience, and knowledge. I learned so much about stress and stress relief that will benefit both me and my patients. I was blown away by the information and experience of healing, energy work, meditation and spirituality.                                                                                   — Jennifer H. (RN) Sitka , AK

“What I received from your workshop was a gift that was hard to measure. I found another piece of myself and found I was able to help people in other ways than through my physical nursing skills. You have helped me start growing and I feel energized to continue. THANK YOU          — Laura, H. (RN) Duke Medical Center

“A wonderful four days.  A return to what I felt as a child and have spent the last five years trying (however unsupported) to reincarnate.  Thank you!  Also very happy to never have been bored, as I get bored easily.”

 “This whole workshop was first rate.  It more than met my expectations.  It was fun, inspiring, entertaining, informative, broadening, expansive, connecting – excellent!  Thank you so much – I go home even more inspired and creative than when I left.  Bravo!”

“ The amount of tools and resources provided to enhance and teach holistic wellness, stress management and spirituality is amazing.  Thank you.  You are an inspiration.  Words cannot convey how much.  I have an infinite number of ideas about how to promote the concepts presented in people’s lives to journey towards well being.”

 “This was my first conference of this type and it was great.  Luke taught to us as though we were instructors.  This will be a wonderful tool to expand and invigorate my new business.  New insight as to where massage fits the whole wellness picture.  Thank you.”

“ This workshop was another “life changing” experience for me, as I learn to acknowledge and honor my spirit voice.  Thank you for being so giving and willing to share so much of yourself!”

The most well organized workshop I have ever attended. Worthwhile for all nurses as patient advocates/people advocates.

“I got two very valuable things out of this workshop.  First, a totally comprehensive text/reference resource that leaves no stone unturned regarding the role of stress in our lives and health. I really appreciate its approach of bringing together the theories and research of so many of the prominent thinkers of our time along with non-Western modalities, integrating them holistically with a focus on humans as spiritual as well as physical, mental, and emotional beings.          —Linda, S. Williamsport , PA

One method of stress management is called the TARP method, and it has been proven effective for many. A tarp is a protective cover thrown over something – a car or boat, for example – to protect it from the elements. Likewise, the TARP method offers a form of protection, too – protection against the distressing and sometimes harmful effects of stress.

The TARP method teaches simple techniques that can be used any time, anywhere, to control your response to stressful situations. It consists of four steps:

• T is for “Tune in” – Get into the habit of noticing early signs of stress. 
• A is for “Analyze” – Think about the source or causes of your stress. 
• R is for “Respond” – Deal with the cause of your stress, and its effects on you. 
• P is for “Prevent” – Develop good stress-reduction habits for a healthier lifestyle. 

In addition to the TARP method, other activities and methods also can help manage stress.

“Tune in”

Tuning in is important, because if you don’t tackle your stress early, it can interfere with your sense of well being and your health almost before you know it. And the effects of stress often get worse as time goes on.

Whenever you notice yourself feeling the beginnings of stress – for example, when you feel irritable, tense, distracted, or fatigued – scan yourself for signs of stress.

Learning to spot signs of stress instantly can take practice. But if you make a point of scanning your body, behavior, feelings, and thoughts regularly, it will get easier.

“Analyze”

Once you know how to “tune in” to your signs of stress, you will be better able to analyze the situations that are stressful to you. These “stressors,” as they are called, could be either external or internal.

External stressors are things and events outside your body that can make you feel threatened or out of control. For example:

• Physical irritants like noise, pollution, heat, or humidity 
• Work demands or conditions 
• Frightening events, like narrowly escaping a traffic accident 
• Social or family demands, changes, or problems 

Internal stressors result from one’s own attitudes and thinking patterns. For example:

• Do you always talk to yourself with words like “should, must, and ought?” 
• Do you feel like a failure if you are late, or if things don’t go as planned? 
• Do you have “me last” syndrome, feeling you have to look after everyone else’s needs before you think of your own? 
• Do you feel worthless unless everyone likes you all the time? 
• Are you guilty of “awful-izing,” which means always expecting the worst? For example, if family members are late, do you often imagine they are injured or dead? 

How-To Information:

A stress diary can be helpful in the analyzing stage. For one week, write down all the stressors you can identify. Don’t leave anything out. Here’s an example:

When you have about a week’s worth of diary entries, study them. See which of them are caused by external events (for example, other people making you late) and which are mostly caused by your own way of thinking or feeling (for example, you are worried about something that may never happen).

In some cases, you may find that stress is caused by a combination of internal and external factors. For example, you might be worried about the cost of fixing the car, and make it worse by blaming yourself for not earning more money.

Sometimes, just by keeping a stress diary you will be able to see solutions to problems that have been bothering you. For example:

• If the commute is a major source of stress, try a different way of getting to work. 
• If you are worried about your future at work, discuss this with your supervisor; you may find your worries are groundless. 
• If you are always rushed, you may be able to work out better ways to manage your time. 
• If your children are upsetting you at a certain time of day, have a family conference and agree on a different way of doing things. 

Unfortunately, we often cannot simply remove the cause of our stress. But we can change the way we deal with it, both in the short term (as “first-aid”) and in the long term (developing a stress-resistant lifestyle).

“Respond”

“Responding” in the days of early man meant fighting the source of stress or running away from it. Your body will still produce a physical “alarm response” that pumps stress hormones through your body, tensing your muscles and speeding up your heart. This “alarm response” in most cases doesn’t do us any good – and it can be harmful.

You can learn to turn off the alarm response and regain control. You can learn to respond calmly, and deal actively and positively with your stress, whether it is caused by outside or internal factors.

Four useful techniques for responding calmly are:

1. Time out. A brief time out is the simplest possible approach to stress:

• Stop the activity (or the conversation) that was causing you stress. 
• If you can move away, go to another room, or go for a short walk. 
• If you can’t move away, count to 10 silently before you speak again. 

2. Breathing. You can often tell if people are under stress because of the way they are breathing. For example, customs officers have noticed that smugglers are the people taking fast, shallow breaths. If you learn to control your breathing, it will help you regain control over the effects of stress.

• Watch babies breathing; their abdomens expand when they breathe in. 
• Watch a tense adult breathing; there may be no movement of the abdomen. All the work is being done by the chest. 

Abdominal breathing can be very soothing, because it slows you down. It is also efficient, bringing a good supply of oxygen to your brain. Prepare for stressful times by practicing your breathing now:

• Check your breathing pattern by putting one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach. If your lower hand moves and your top hand does not, you are doing abdominal breathing. But if your top hand moves and your bottom one does not, you are doing chest breathing. 
• To do abdominal breathing, get your stomach relax. Breathe in deeply, then breathe all the air out. Let your lungs fill with air again naturally, while your stomach expands. 
• Practice this “belly breathing” whenever you have spare time (for example, while you are driving). 
• Whenever you are stressed, worried, or tense, use your breathing to help calm yourself down. Take a deep breath and quietly let it go out completely, then let your abdomen expand as the air comes back into your lungs. Keep noticing your abdominal breathing for another few breaths. 

For a variation on this breathing technique, try “10-to-one countdown” breathing:

• Start with abdominal breathing, letting all the breath out and then allowing your abdomen to expand as your lungs fill up again. 
• When you breathe out again, say “10,” letting go of tension as if it is being carried out of your body with the air. 
• Next time you breathe out, say “nine,” and so on, all the way down to “one.” 
• When you get to “one,” start again. 
• Each time you breathe out, tell yourself you are letting go of tension. 
• Many people repeat this sequence slowly for a period of 15 to 20 minutes. They find that with each new countdown, they reach a deeper level of relaxation. 

When we are under stress, we often feel things are happening too fast. Another technique, called slow-down breathing, can help you get settled down and in control. It starts with abdominal breathing, and uses cue words to help you focus and clear your mind. Examples of cue words are:

• As you breathe in, silently say “calm” 
• As you breathe out, silently say “smiling” 
• As you breathe in, say “present” 
• As you breathe out, say “now” 

Practice breathing techniques for five or 10 minutes until you get the feel of it, then again several times a day for a few moments. Then it will be instantly ready to use as a “mini-tranquilizer” whenever you notice yourself starting to feel tense or out of control.

3. Progressive muscle relaxation. This technique will help you get rid of the muscle tension that is a major sign of uncontrolled stress, and which can lead to headaches, back pain, and muscle pulls. It is based on the principle that muscles go to a deeper level of relaxation after they have been tensed.

• Lie on the floor or on a firm bed, or sit in a chair that has good head support. 
• Close your eyes and breathe deeply two or three times. 
• Next, tighten up the muscles of different parts of your body in turn; keep them tight while you count silently to five; then let go and imagine the tension going out as you relax and smooth the muscles. 
• Start with your face. Squint your eyes, tighten your teeth and jaw, and wrinkle your forehead. Feel the tension while you count silently to five, and then let go of it. Feel the warmth of relaxation coming to your face. 
• Next, pull your shoulders up until they nearly touch your ears. Feel the tension while you count silently to five. Then let go. 
• Now progress through the rest of your body, tightening muscles while you count slowly to five, then letting the tension go. Start with your stomach and chest muscles, then your lower abdomen, buttocks, and thighs. Finish with your lower legs, curling up your toes and tightening calf muscles to feel the tension in your foot, ankle, calves, and knee. 
• When you have finished, notice the tension and release in all your muscles. Breathe deeply a few times, and feel relaxed, refreshed, and comfortable. 

4. Thought-stopping. This is a good technique for dealing with stress that comes from your own negative feelings. When you notice negative thoughts, just say “stop!” to yourself. It may sound too simple to be effective – but it works, even though you may have to repeat the word several times until the negative thoughts are interrupted.

Sometimes, using mental images can help you stop the negative thoughts:

• Imagine that the negative thoughts are coming from a tape recorder, and that you can push the “stop” button or turn down the volume to zero. 
• Imagine sticky paper that catches your negative thoughts as they fly about. 
• Imagine a “stop” sign that blocks your negative thoughts. 
• Imagine a box that your negative thoughts get trapped in. 
• Imagine you are driving through a car wash that washes the thoughts away. 

“Prevent”

There are simple things you can do to help your body and mind withstand stress. These will help you improve your immune system, your energy level, your self-esteem, and your sense of well-being.

1. Relaxation. Relaxing regularly will help prevent stress.

• Set aside just 15 minutes every day, whether you are feeling stressed or not. 
• Go through whatever relaxation procedures work best for you. Techniques such as yoga and stretching can be effective, as can progressive muscle relaxation. 

2. Regular exercise. If you know people who run, swim, or bicycle regularly, you may notice that they have less stress than others. When your body is in first-class condition, your mind and emotions will also benefit. Regular exercise is one excellent way to “stress-proof” yourself, or at reduce the bad effects of stress.

Exercise can make you look better, sleep better, concentrate better, and withstand disease better. It will also improve your mood and make you feel better about yourself. The best exercise for stress-proofing is aerobic activity, which uses your whole body. This includes jogging, bicycling, brisk walking, cross-country skiing, aerobic dancing, swimming, rowing, skating, and stair-stepping.

• If you are not used to exercise, start with walking. Walk briskly for about 20 minutes, three times a week. 
• As you get in shape, take longer walks, or switch to a more vigorous form of activity. 
• If you don’t have access to a lake, mountain, or country road to row, ski, or bike on, substitute on machines at home or in a gym. But whenever you can, get out into nature. The quietness and change of scene will help your stress levels.  

3. Eating right. You will be much better able to withstand stress if your body feels good, and it can’t feel good if you don’t feed it properly.

• Make sure you have three good meals a day, with plenty of fruit, vegetables, and filling food like bread, rice, or noodles. 
• If you get hungry between meals, plan for a nutritious snack like fruit, yogurt, or a bagel. If you take a snack to work with you, you won’t be tempted by junk food. 

Eating well will give you a sense of control that can help to reduce your stress levels, as well as making you feel good physically.

4. Chemicals: alcohol and drugs. People may be tempted to take a drink or drugs to deal with stress. It doesn’t help. Alcohol may seem to calm you down, but it only masks the symptoms of stress for a while. Excessive alcohol (and drugs) will give you a rebound; you are likely to feel more stressed than ever when the effects wear off.

One or two drinks a day, such as a glass of wine or beer with dinner, usually won’t harm you. If you are regularly drinking much more than that, cut down – and if that is hard to do, get some help.

5. Tobacco. People often say that a cigarette “calms their nerves,” but tobacco is really a stimulant. If you are afraid that quitting would cause you too much stress, talk to your doctor about prescribing a nicotine patch or gum to help ease the difficulty of withdrawal. Patches or gum work best if you also join a quit-smoking group or use a good self-help program that helps you learn to be a nonsmoker. In the long run, you will become a calmer person if you stop smoking.

For more information about how to stop smoking, go to Smoking: How To Stop.

6. Caffeine. People have different reactions to caffeine, and most people can take two or three cups of coffee or tea a day without trouble. But you might try cutting down your caffeine intake, to see if you are less jumpy. (If you get a headache for a few days, don’t worry; that’s a normal withdrawal symptom, and it will go away within a week.)

Taken from http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/stress/STR_dealing.html

• Stress is the emotional and physical strain caused by our response to pressure from the outside world. 
• The mental symptoms of stress include tension, irritability, inability to concentrate, feeling excessively tired, and having trouble sleeping. 
• The physical symptoms of stress include dry mouth, a pounding heart, difficulty breathing, stomach upset, frequent urination, sweating palms, and tense muscles that may cause pain and trembling. 
• The four types of stress signs include changes in body functions and physical health, changes in emotions and feelings, changes in behavior, and changes in thoughts. 
• Stress has been linked to serious diseases such as heart disease and cancer, and to a variety of other physical and emotional disorders. 
• One method of stress management is called the TARP method, which involves noticing early signs of stress, figuring out the causes, dealing with the effects on the body, and developing good stress-reduction techniques. 
• Other methods of managing stress include humor, meditation, hobbies, biofeedback, and massage therapy. 
• Medication can be useful for dealing with short periods of acute stress, but it does not address the underlying problem. 
• Some people find it helpful to see an expert in stress management, who can assess which techniques best suit their skills, temperament, and needs. Professional who help individuals cope with stress include psychologists, psychotherapists, nurses, physicians, exercise instructors, and dietitians.

From http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/stress/STR_summary.html

Humor

Many stress-management experts recommend keeping a sense of humor during difficult situations. Laughing releases muscle tension and helps a person maintain perspective.

Activities as simple as watching a funny movie, listening to a tape of a comedian’s routine, or sharing time with a humorous friend can provide a psychological lift and relieve stress.

Hobbies

Regular leisure activities are important in reducing stress. Many people benefit from making time for positive leisure pursuits rather than, for example, spending time watching television in the evening (although that, too, can be relaxing to some degree).

Relaxing hobbies include gardening, painting, bicycling, photography, carpentry, collecting, and many others. In order to obtain the most relaxation and enjoyment, the satisfaction should come in doing the hobby, not in the results. An individual who pursues gardening for relaxation may not grow prize-winning vegetables, but they can be eaten. An amateur photographer may not sell photographs, but they can be admired by friends and family.

Meditation

Used for many years in Eastern cultures, meditation is becoming more widely accepted in the U.S. as a relaxation technique. Meditation reduces heart rate, blood pressure, adrenaline levels, and skin temperature.

There are a variety of meditation techniques that share a common goal: to achieve relaxation by clearing the mind of stressful outside interferences. Meditation involves achieving a state of consciousness in which the individual focuses on a single thing, such as a key word, sound, or image.

Meditation techniques rely on quiet surroundings, sitting still, and a repetitive mental pattern. Various techniques are taught in instruction books and through religious and nonreligious organizations.

Biofeedback

Biofeedback provides a way for people to learn to control activities over which they normally have no awareness, such as heart rate and muscle tension. It is considered by many health professionals to be a valuable therapeutic tool for reducing stress. Biofeedback involves no discomfort and no risk.

Biofeedback relies on sensitive electronic equipment. Sensors are placed on the body at various locations to measure skin temperature and muscle activity. The sensors are attached to a monitor that detects fluctuations when a person is anxious and displays signals in the form of beeps or light flashes. By watching the monitor, a person learns to control these stressful responses.

Massage Therapy

Massage is the gentle practice of manipulating the body’s tissues in order to soothe and heal. It is one of the most ancient of the healing arts, and more people today are relying on it for natural, drug-free relief from the effects of busy, overstressed lives. Massage can relax the entire body and provide new energy that lingers long after the massage is over.

A number of research studies have shown that massage reduces heart rate, lowers blood pressure, increases blood circulation and lymph flow, relaxes muscles, improves range of motion, and increases the production of endorphins, which are the body’s own natural painkillers. There are a number of massage therapy techniques, including Swedish massage and Shiatsu.

Massages can be for the full body or particular areas of the body, such as the back and shoulders. Some people choose to wear some clothing during a massage; others prefer to undress or use a dressing gown. During a massage, the person is warmly covered, and only the part of the body on which the therapist is working is uncovered.

http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/stress/STR_manage.html#meditation

So humans evolved the ability to respond to a stressful situation instantly, by preparing the body for “fight or flight.” Under sudden stress, you will get a burst of exceptional strength and endurance, as your body pumps out stress hormones:

• Your heart speeds up 
• Blood flow to your brain and muscles increases up to 400 percent 
• Your digestion stops (so it doesn’t use up energy that’s needed elsewhere) 
• Your muscle tension increases 
• You breathe faster, to bring more oxygen to your muscles 

Sometimes we can still benefit from this “fight or flight” response – like the case of a mother whose child was pinned under a concrete slab during a tornado. Under stress, she found the strength to lift the huge slab with her bare hands, even though it later took three men to move it.

But much of the time in modern life, the “fight or flight” response won’t help. Yet those stress hormones still flood your system, preparing you for physical action. And if you are under stress frequently, it can harm your physical health.

 How Stress Can Hurt Us?

It has been estimated that two-thirds of all visits to physicians are for stress-related problems. Recent evidence indicates that the physical changes associated with stress may contribute to the leading causes of death – heart disease and cancer.

The effects of stress include the following:

• Stress can cause chronic fatigue, digestive upsets, headaches, and back pain. 
• Stress can affect the blood cells that help you fight off infection, so you are more likely to get colds and other diseases. 
• Constant stress can increase blood pressure and can increase the risk for stroke. 
• Stress can increase the danger of heart attacks, particularly if you are often angry and mistrustful. 
• Stress can make an asthma attack worse. 
• Stress triggers behaviors that contribute to death and disability, such as smoking, alcoholism, drug abuse, and overeating. 
• Stress can lead to diminished sexual desire and an inability to achieve orgasm. 
• Stress makes it harder to take other steps to improve health, such as giving up smoking or making changes in diet.

Taken from http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/stress/STR_affect.html

We may think of stressful events as unpleasant ones, such as losing a job or having difficulties at home or at school. But changes for the better can also cause stress, like a new baby, a wedding, and a new house.

In an ideal world, maybe we could get away from stressful situations, or change them. Too often we can’t do that – but we can learn to control our response to those situations. And we can develop techniques that will reduce the effects of stress on our mental and physical health.

Here are some different life events that are identified as stressful. They are rated on the “Holmes-Raye” scale, which scores them according to the stress they cause (the higher the number, the greater the stress).

• Death of a spouse – 100 points 
• Divorce – 73 points 
• Marriage – 50 points 
• Pregnancy – 40 points 
• Buying a house – 31 points 
• Christmas – 12 points 

What’s Stressful For You?

What’s stressful for you may be quite different from what’s stressful to your best friend, your spouse, or the person next door. For example:

• Some people enjoy speaking in public; others are terrified. 
• Some people are more productive under deadline pressure; others are miserably tense. 
• Some people are eager to help family and friends through difficult times; others find it very stressful. 
• Some people feel comfortable complaining about bad service in a restaurant; others find it so difficult to complain that they prefer to suffer in silence. 
• Some people may feel that changes at work represent a welcome opportunity; others worry about whether they’ll be able to cope. 

What Are Your Personal Signs Of Stress?

People react to stress in different ways. Once you identify your own signs of stress, they can serve as your personal early warning system.

Think of yourself as a car that’s equipped with lights and gauges to warn you if any problems are developing. If you keep an eye on the gauges and catch the trouble early, the problem may be easy to fix. If you ignore the warning signs, you may be in for a major repair job.

You should assess yourself for four types of stress signs:

• Changes in body functions and physical health 
• Changes in emotions and feelings 
• Changes in behavior 
• Changes in thoughts 

Use these checklists to identify your own signs of stress. There is space on the checklists for a second opinion, because people close to us may notice changes that we are not aware of.

Now go over the lists, and pick out the signs of stress that you consider the most important – the ones that are really interfering with the way you function and enjoy life. Then mark on the next chart whether they are related to your body, your feelings, your behavior, or your thoughts.

Your main signs of stress:

What you’ve recorded on these charts are your personal early warning signs of stress. When they occur, it’s a sign that you should practice relaxation techniques to help keep stress from overwhelming you physically and emotionally.

Taken from: http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/stress/STR_causes.html